Doing Big Things

So many of us think others are holding us back, yet it is our own fears that limit us. How do we get rid of them, quickly? God wants to show us the way to go. It’s not always our way, but he leads us in the right direction. This is a testimony of how God freed me from the fear of doing big things.

Is there some stretching, bending and yielding that has had to happen in your life lately?

What blocks us from doing the big stuff God wants to do in our lives? Have you ever wondered what it is for you? I admit, for a long time, I thought it was other people who blocked me, but in several years of allowing God to search my soul and show me my ways, I’ve learned that the only thing that blocks me is ME… through what I believe about me, others and the world around me.

As we tell our stories and bare our souls, our vulnerability brings healing to others, so I pray that happens through my writing. The truth is, that when we are weak, God is strong. I am so thankful for how God has been fighting for me lately. In the last week I’ve had some deeply hidden strongholds of my mind bubble up and expose themselves. These are mindsets that have blocked my path. They were small things that I tolerated, one choice at a time that became big things, and they had become a part of my identity that I accepted.


Have you every heard words like “God is going to do big things in your life?” I always wondered why I didn’t like “big”. Big things overwhelmed me. I liked to be in a small church, where I could manage things in small ways. When I came to a big church, I felt so intimidated. When I felt like God was leading us to move a few years ago, we had a 2750 square foot house. It felt big. I just wanted an open family room, that’s all. But God has a sense of humor. He said, “Go bigger.”

“What?!” Yet it was clear, and move we did. Now THIS is me, or who I thought I was….. My idea of happy was a small camper that I could clean in 15 minutes and then sit down, rather than in a big, giant house. I liked things close. I like people close, in my grasp, where they couldn’t escape spending time with me.

I was a leader of many things in a smaller church, but when I moved to bigger churches, I didn’t know how to lead or where I fit in. I never got past “small” in my mind. I taught small groups, and occasionally, I was asked to speak, but I always seemed to hit a barrier or limitation when it came to doing what was prophesied over my life in a consistent way. God had me deal with myself in the prayer closet. I stayed in “the closet”, literally, the prayer closet for years. I needed to be in there!… to pray for myself! I helped lots of other people through my time in the closet and received many visions of what could happen, yet I never felt ready to do them.

I was intimidated by those who led big things well, yet deeply respected them. They had positions that took work to achieve. Often I figured they must to be more qualified, or more talented, or more able to coordinate things that I was. Or, I would feel a bit of shame that they just worked harder than I did. It surely was true in many respects. I had realized this fear the night before and was feeling anxious about what doing big things could look like in my life.

This Sunday, it was a lovely morning here in Indiana. A great morning to sit on the porch swing before church and pray. I opened my heart to receive some much needed wisdom from God. I was ready to write it in my new journal. As I sat down, this verse reference popped into my head – Psalm 34:6.

“In my desperation I prayed, and the LORD listened;
he saved me from all my troubles.”

“Troubles.. troubles”… The word troubles stood out to me and I prayed, “Ok Lord, what ARE my troubles?” Quickly, I heard “belief system”.  That’s it. “Ok,” I reflected. “So, what is my belief system? I’m listening.” I heard no more, but instead felt sure I was done “sitting there” and had to get up and go for a walk. I trusted God was going to speak to me “as I went”. I went inside to tell the kids where I was going, but instead Jack, my son, said, “Go for a walk mom.” OK. That was clear. So I headed out, asking God which direction to go.

I stood at the edge of the driveway, listening for how the Holy Spirit was leading me. Noticing my reaction to the nudges I was feeling to going right. “I usually go left,” was my initial thought. It was easier, because there was no sun in my eyes as I came back, but I felt the nudge to go right. Then I had a stupefyingly simple revelation, “I have sunglasses and I just found them this week!” So I went inside, got those and headed right.

I walked a mile and came to the end of my road. I had always turned back when I got there. I was a mile, after all, and usually seemed far enough, but I felt like I could not turn back. I had to keep going. It was a pretty busy road, not seemingly pedestrian friendly in my mind. Yet, “Go full circle,” came to mind. Now realize, we live in the country and so it’s not like going around the block is a small task. But as I looked right, I could already see the flashing stop light of the next turn. “That’s not so bad,” I reasoned, then, I have only this same distance to go on the next leg, and then I’ll be on an even shorter path. “I can do it,” I realized. What seemed to big now seemed doable to me.

As I turned right and walked down the highway there was a grassy edge, and I came to a pasture on my right where horses were grazing. Three brown horses walked toward me as I approached, as if they wanted to greet me. They stopped about 10-15 feet from the fence from the gate that divided us.

I looked at them.
They looked at me.

Time stood still for a moment as these three horses looked directly at me, into my eyes, and into my soul. “What is happening?” I thought to myself, as this was a completely new experience for me, with horses. There was a connection of souls happening in that moment. I was shaken and stirred and something was being mixed up and rattled loose inside of me.

What I haven’t shared yet here is that I know fear should not be allowed to master us in any way. It always come to intimidate us, but we must overcome it. Yet, there is, or was, one thing in life I have continued to admit that I was still afraid of, and that was horses. They intimidated me because they are big. As a child, I went to a birthday party and there was a horse there. I was tiny. That horse was big and powerful and could easily step on me and crush me if it wanted to. I remained in awe of horses and their power and admired them from afar, but never felt “one” with them in size or spirit until this moment. What I felt as I looked into the eyes of one particular brown horse was that were were equal in stature. We were “co-laborers” in creation. We each had a specific task in life and were made to work together, to respect one another. I felt that respect in that moment. He respected me, and I respected him.

As I continued to look into the eyes of that particular horse, the two others ran off. I asked God if this was something important he was showing me. At that moment, this powerful, elegant, brown horse gazed into my eyes deeply, nodded his big head once, and ran off.

I stood there. Amazed.

Horses are not what I thought they were, scary enemies, or a threat. They were kindred spirits whom God would speak through- to me! I felt known by a horse in that moment, and I believe I saw God’s spirit through the eyes of that animal. We were both a part of creation made to work together. Communication between us had broken down the barrier of fear that had always existed in me. I feared horses because they were “big”.

I’m not around horses that much, so this fear didn’t seem to make big difference in my life, but as I continued to walk, the pages of my life book began to open up. I began to see how the fear of “big things” came from this small root of fear. If that horse wasn’t really against me, then other “big” things may not be as intimidating either.

The journal I was beginning that weekend was titled “Dream BIG.” Starting the journal title intimidated me a bit. Just the night before I wrestled and struggled internally with a word of expansion that God seemed to speak to me. Was it a test of my reaction? I asked my self, “Do I dream big? Have I really? Do I allow myself?” The truth was that God has put big dreams that I had been afraid to act on. There were things I would allow to become interference and excuses for why I couldn’t do it now. It was true, that I couldn’t do it until I overcame this fear, fear of doing something big or that big would overwhelm me. Of course, in my own strength, big would be overwhelming. But, if God was the God of that horse, and of me, then we were both on the same team. I didn’t need to be afraid of what lay ahead. I realized God was freeing me now to a new level of capacity. This fear had taken up a big place in my soul and I was seeing how it was operating.

I went back to my porch swing and began to write. As I did, I paid attention to how I “felt” as I sat there… I was able, not less, not smaller than everyone else that seemed big and powerful. I was chosen for something special. You were too. I only had to listen to that verse and believe it. “In my desperation I prayed, and the LORD listened; he saved me from all my troubles.” ( Psalm 34:6, NLT) I thank God for showing me my “troubles”, or at least one of them. I have yet another to log as well. It is worth the journey to ask God to show us why we have limitations. We can assume it is all the enemy, but really it is what we believe. This verse has always been a driving force for me, “Abraham believed God and it was credited to Him as righteousness.” It’s not my performance that makes me sane, or saved, but it’s my beliefs and my confession. As I’ve been praying for more faith, like Abraham had, these types of revelations are unfolding in my life. I pray for you, that you let God unfold the mysteries of your life.

Open your heart and mind to hear. Ask God where your limitations come from. They are not from him, but often rooted deep inside our souls, buried and tolerated in some way we have yet to discover.

“This is the way. Walk in it. “

Isaiah 30:19-22 “People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Then you will desecrate your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to them, “Away with you!”

Old Things Pass Away…

I woke up in the middle of the night on January 29, 2018 hearing a quick list of thoughts being downloaded with urgency. It was like God was connecting all the dots, reminding me of the many things he’s taught me recently that I need to remember and perhaps share. I grabbed my phone and typed it all in as fast as it came. I’ve not altered the form or prettied it up. It began with….

  • If it feels as if the foundation of your life or all you are, the ground beneath you is shaking or breaking, that’s because you are standing on things you were not meant to stand on.
  • God is calling us all to his heart in different ways, separating us from all that would make us anxious
  • Many will be healed at this revelation because your load of life will be transferred or lifted off of you.
  • You will no longer struggle to forgive.
  • Peoples opinions will not be so important anymore.
  • Pressure will leave.
  • Manipulation will cease as will feelings of obligation.
  • God loves you just for who you are. He enjoys you.
  • You cannot hide from God, you must hide in God.
  • Happiness is freedom.
  • God is separating us from dependence on anything but Himself. We will love and serve one another out of peace and identity of our role in Christ.
  • We will feel an ultimatum in our lives in many areas.
  • “I just have to do it now!” Time is short. Conviction is knowing.
  • The obstacle in our life is our lifestyle, our belief system our way of clinging to things we won’t let go of… stubbornness… hanging on to things we thought would comfort us won’t feel good anymore… food, fixes, entertainment, money. All will fail to comfort.
  • There is an inner tension that feels like anxiety for some of us. It is you not letting go of something.
  • It may seem like things from your past are chasing you down or reappearing, even in dreams. Satan wants to remind you of your past, God wants you to find your future.
  • He remembers your sin no more. God laughed when I asked him to remind me of what I repented of –  he can’t.
  • God is replacing our fears with faith by bringing us home.
  • We can’t handle everyone else’s problems and it doesn’t feel like we need to anymore. Witchcraft and manipulation are not to be tolerated. If you feel people pulling on you, just declare, “I cut off all ties of witchcraft on my life.” Witchcraft is the attempt to get us into things we were not meant to be in via someone else’s will.
  • God’s reformation, his re-formation of you. You are free. No more tolerance of other people’s problems in the name of Love. Love doesn’t set down its identity for evil.
  • Separate camps can’t intermingle. Don’t get entangled in enemy affairs.
  • It is time to go forward in your unique calling. Others have to each face their own choices. You can love and give wisdom, but not own their issues or submit to those issues.
  • We can submit to authority and honor. Honor is key to advancement. Honor is love and dying to self.
  • Self says I don’t have time. Honor makes time.
  • I offer you what I have from the overflow, I don’t give what is beyond that. I don’t give from what I need to stand on, taking chunks out of my own foundation and making myself weaker. Jesus went to a quiet place to rest.

Reflecting the Light

This is a message to the ones in the Body of Christ who have been preparing for the outpouring of the Spirit… I was reading Luke 10 this morning:

Then he (Jesus) said to them, ‘The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the Harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.” (Luke 10:2)

This was Jesus’ personal prayer request to the church, and we, the Church, have been praying this prayer for the 2,000 years since! Back in 2011 I heard a call from God to “earnestly desire the greater gifts” so that the world would know that Jesus was sent. Through various trials, God invited me to understand relationship with him in a different way.  He called me to a ministry of love to Him, and in that, I began to feel what God’s heart bled for. It was a life changing time for me.

There have been hills and valleys in the journey of growth, times when I felt strong, then weak, convicted, then fearful. All these things caused us to ask “God, who are you? and who am I IN you?”

If the last year to two years was a time of difficult pruning, or deep prayer and reflection, then this message is for you.

Jesus has been interceding for all of us. Sometimes we can forget that He lives to intercede, but he hears our prayers and they are like sweet incense to Him before the Father. I feel He is so proud of you for your heart’s desire to love him with all of your being, to prepare yourself to go into all the world. Yes, many have been going, but it has been few, compared to the numbers that are being assigned now. There was preparation to be done, cleansing of our soil that had to take place so our roots would be strong and deep. Now, a wave of the army of God is being released and they feel it in their spirit. I heard a word of encouragement for this group this morning… It is based on Luke 10.

“Faithful One, I called the 72 first and let them taste and see what I could do through them. It was an open door. They continually returned to me for help and I encouraged them and gave them all authority. An invitation is being sent out. (I see white note cards going out in the spirit). I am releasing them to my anointed and chosen ones. If you will hear my voice and regard what I say I will open the door to limitless possibilities. I am with you. Don’t underestimate me. I am the one who will do it but you must go ahead. Feel your way along and listen for my voice of direction. I will be clear and will back everything by my Word so you may discern. I will not leave you abandoned.”

Then, I saw myself walking on the water. There were things to gather floating on top of the water as I walk on it. The one I picked up was a mirror. I looked into it and I Jesus’ reflection in it. He was smiling.

“We are as one,” he says. “You have taken time to know me and you now look like me. Don’t forget what you look like or listen to any contrary voice. I looked again and saw my face covered with light and glory. “I am in you,” he continued, “Where you go, I go, that the world may know that I sent you. Be at peace with me and know my voice for I will keep you close. Fear not. Ignore it altogether. I AM your focus, I AM your recognition. Beware of false idols who would come to claim your light. Beware of those who try to gain recognition for themselves. They, who’s ears have itched to hear, may not be hearing me, but a deceiving spirit. So closely we have to discern. They have no purpose but to destroy and they are tossed by the wind. Holy unto me, that is what I say. “


As I looked up from my keyboard, I saw the lit jar candle I felt led to light before my early morning time with God. It was pure white with one flame glowing in the middle. I noticed the clear glass rim around it. The strong flame burning in the middle of this. The wax was well melted, since I felt led to light it hours ago. The wick had been soaking in the wax so it was burning steadily and strongly. It protects and goes above the flame so it is sheltered all the way around, but transparent. It is open only at the top, heavenward. If one of the sides were to be compromised, the wax would leak out and the flame would suffer. Light can shine out, but not attack can come from the sides. I saw this as a picture of how we must guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. We can shine our light and warmth out, but no dark thing can enter in.


Jeremiah 29

“The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”


Matthew 26:39-41  Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane praying before being taken captive …

39…he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

40Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

The Lord has been speaking  this thought to me this morning, “You are going into dark places, but the light shines from within.” Remember the song, “This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine!” It’s easier to put our light under a basket with a bunch of other little flames hoping the light shines through the cracks and will draw people, but that’s not how Jesus modeled it for us. He was the light of the world. He left the perfect place of heaven and went into the place where darkness lurked around, where his people were lost and confused by  his enemy. He left…

I’ve been soaking, a bit reluctantly, in Jeremiah in this season. I admit that when I kept hearing “Jeremiah” when I woke up in the morning I wasn’t excited. “Jeremiah!” I told the Lord, “He had it hard. They strung him up in the courtyard and laughed at him when he spoke for you. Thanks for reminding me about him…. Yup! I’ll surely keep him in mind and be alert if you want me to say something difficult. Yet, I didn’t want to go into the book and soak on hard stuff.  But, then God got specific and started giving me specific chapters each day and they seemed to parallel what I was seeing around me.

Today I heard Jeremiah 29. For context, in Chapter 28, Jeremiah has rebuked a prophet named Hannaniah, who was not speaking for God. He had been saying,  don’t worry.. you won’t have to go into captivity as Jeremiah says, “In two years God will bring all the sacred objects back from Babylon to Jerusalem.”

“NO!” says Jeremiah. He rebukes Hannaniah. Paraphrasing, he said that Hannaniah had taken off a wooden yoke off the people and replaced it with an even harder one, iron yoke. Because they didn’t submit and humble themselves to a word the Lord spoke about going into captivity under Babylon, they were going to have to go anyway, kicking and screaming!

Sometimes we just want to stay put, don’t we! God called the king of Babylon “my servant”. The people of Israel wanted to stay separate. They believed nothing could touch them, because God was with them, but he was no longer going to be for them in their rebellion if they stayed in that place! Like the Israelites in the dessert after Egypt, they didn’t want to move. Even the captivity of Egypt would be better than the unknown of the wilderness, they whined. But God was in the wilderness leading them to a new place.

Jesus showed us how he handled his hard moment like this. In Matthew 26, it is Thursday evening and Jesus is in the garden praying. He sees the dark place he must go into and cries out in agony to his Father. “If possible, take this cup from me..” yet he submits. Not my will, but yours be done. His act of faith that God, his Father, our Father, knows what he is doing, paid off. One act of submission changed the fate of the world and brought hope to those who could never see beyond the scales on their eyes. He submitted and the deed was done in three days. Three agonizing days, yet three days. I’m glad he persevered, aren’t you?

We all have times we have to act in faith. We don’t need faith to do the same old thing we’ve been doing. The Jews had a challenge before them from God. They were told to do something that didn’t seem logical. God sent a young man named Jeremiah to announce the seemingly ridiculous thing they much do.

“Submit to God!”

At that time, every “prophet” the king surrounded himself with had been deceived. They spoke comforting words that made it seem comfortable and right to stay. Jeremiah came with a “now” word from the Lord. This is a paraphrase, so read the book of Jeremiah to hear this amazing story of perseverance by Jeremiah. He persisted in telling them of a hope of freedom they would receive if they submitted to God.

Listen up! God has a plan and it’s not what you think it is. You must humble yourselves and go where you don’t want to go! Even under a foreign king, GOD IS STILL GOD. He wants you to be humble and go and put you in a place where people will see what happens when my people are surrounded by darkness. God would be with them if they went into Babylon, but all they could see was what they knew and they didn’t want to go. Jeremiah casts a vision in Chapter 29. GO!!! Go to that place and thrive.

Jeremiah 29:4-8 “4This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5“Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. 7Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.”

Push your flesh to follow the Spirit! Go and do the new thing that God has for you. It may look very different than what seems sensible and historically has worked. God is challenging us to believe him, to set our old ways aside and follow His ways. If we want the answers to the prayers we have prayed, they come his way, not ours. Remember the old saying, “You can’t keep doing things the same way and expect different results.” This was the case in Jeremiah’s day, in Jesus’s time, and in ours. We like the thought of following him, and can deceive ourselves to thinking that we are following him because what we are doing looks good or sounds good. Sometimes there is only one voice speaking something different in a crowd of those who are ok with the same-old-same-old.

Where is he calling you? What is he really leading us to do? How many excuses will keep us in the wilderness when the offer of God is on the table, ready to be received. Come…

Psalm 34

8 Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the Lord, you his holy people,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

Go, thrive in the place he sends you. Do it God’s way, even if it means blind faith. Jesus said, “Without faith it is impossible to please God, because those who come to him must believe that he IS and that He is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.”

There’s a step you need to take. What is it?

Perhaps you will start here… in bold worship..

A word for the weary and unsettled..

A word for the weary and for the unsettled…

Psalm 24

“The Earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein, for he has founded it upon the seas and established it upon the rivers.
Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? and who shall stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to what is false and does not swear deceitfully.

He will receive blessing from the Lord and righteousness from the God of his salvation, such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek the face of the God of Jacob.”

When the storms of life blow we get squeezed and what is inside of us comes out. some is good, but every orange has a few seeds that no one wants to eat. No one leaves those in the juice and serves it! Right!

When trials hit us, we learn the degree that we trust the Lord and the degree to which we lean on our own strength. When we lean on our own strength, we get weary and drained. We operate outside of the well of refreshment as we have to step outside of His presence to function apart from him. Things go wrong there. When we do the things God has assigned us to, stop when he says stop and go when he says go, we live in peace.

I have been thinking about what is important, have you? What has God made me to do that brings him joy, that expresses who I am? And, when I have stepped outside of that, how have I dirtied my hands and heart?

God intends for us to be fruitful vines. Every fruitful vine has a healthy and CONSTANT connection to the roots, which must be firmly planted in the soil of God’s word and presence. Apart from that, we can do nothing. Apart from that we can do no truly good and fruitful thing.

It is time to let go of what is not pure in our hearts and true to our calling. We cannot operate in reaction to others expectations, but must instead operate out of the overflow of what God is bubbling up inside of us, out of the new heart he has given us.

Let’s stop for a minutes to ask God for what only he can give!

I pray for us all for a pure heart to love.
I pray for insight to know what God has uniquely purposed for us in this day.
I pray for courage to make changes. Changes that will keep our families together, loving God, and enjoying each other.
I pray for wisdom to know when distraction has entered the room and fear is motivating actions that God has not initiated.
I pray for a constant state of connection to the heart of God and thoughts that come from the mind of Christ, so that no good thing slips through our fingers that God would like for us to receive. Thank you Jesus for making the way to receive these good things!

There have been so many things I have not noticed and not prioritized, especially in my family and those closest to me. I have run to what seemed to be the burning fire in front of me or the neediest need. Whether it is the screaming child who demands a reaction, or one who’s marriage seems to be falling apart before my eyes, I had to realize that we can lead people to a savior who is able, but we cannot force them to submit to his heart for them.

They have to take the hand of Jesus. And, so do we.

Let go of what you are carrying so you can ascend the mountain to be in his rest. Maybe that one you care about will come with you, but maybe not. You must go anyway. God has to first lead US to the mountain of his presence before we can lead anyone else there.

Have you ever thought things were really important to do, but later felt weary after doing them? Perhaps it was because those were not God’s plans for you, but rather striving out of a feeling of obligation.

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.””

These are plans God offers, but we are not entitled to them without seeking him. This verse was written to those who were exiled from their homeland because of idolatry and disobedience. Out of context it seems like a guarantee or promise, but it is to recast vision to those who are in a mess! So, how do we receive it? The same way the Israelites would….When will God bring these good plans?

“12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14 I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

There is hope on the other side of your situation. It may not be found in the acceptance of people. Not all will have the heart of God at all times, but God is faithful. When we turn to him and let him show us where our hands and heart have not been clean, or where we have slipped of the path, even for a moment in weariness, he will hear. He is anxious to rescue, but also for us to realize that our ways must come into alignment with HIS ways. Then, we will live like a fountain overflowing and joy will be our portion. In our own strength, weariness and disconnection happen.

Lord, I choose to seek you with my whole heart. Thank you for your mercy and your love. Bring order and your unfailing love to us all so that we can truly operate out of the overflow of your heart in us. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

Releasing Old Pain and Dying to the Flesh

Hello friends in Christ,What a crazy time we are in right now! We have a new president and he is jumping right in to shake the foundations of all that we have known for the past eight years. The spiritual shaking of our country is beginning as well, and it’s beginning in the church, with those who call themselves by His name – Christians. Have you been feeling intensity, anxiety, or manifesting physical symptoms of old ailments? If you have been feeling worse than ever lately, or heavy and weighed down, you may want to read this as healing may be found in a process of repentance and soul searching.

God is healing, but he wants to show you why YOU have bound yourself as a prisoner. Our ailments are not just the Lord allowing sickness, as some believe. They can be attacks on our body by the enemy, but sometimes they are attacks that we have invited by how we have reacted to situations in our life experience.  For months we have been praying in intercession, “Uncover everything that lurks in the darkness, bring it into the light! Purify us Lord so we can carry your glory and represent you well.”

Now, that is what is happening. That said, we have been having some physical ailments pop up or get worse in our bodies. Annoying things are getting more annoying… As I’ve prayed for the Holy Spirit to come, memories are coming to light with the pain as he touches it. Old issues that seemed buried have come to light – just as we have prayed.

God is taking the scabs off old wounds and looking deep inside to let us see what bitter roots, judgements, sins of attitude or lies live deep inside of us. For some, it is buried emotion, restoration of understanding and then repentance that has to come out for you to be filled with more. There is a metamorphosis process taking place and there is a choice to participate with it or not.

When Paul said he had a thorn that the Lord would not remove, lest he become prideful. We don’t know if the Lord removed it later. All we know was, at the time of that writing, there was some thorn, or messenger of satan, that was allowed to remain so that he would not be prideful. We don’t know at what stage of development Paul was in in his growth process, but he had a weakness, we know that. Jesus, however, never shows any example of partial healing or resistance to heal, so what’s up with that? We are asking to be made into the likeness of JESUS, not of PAUL. Right? Jesus was holy in all his ways. A man perfectly submitted to the Father.

Church, it’s time to look deep and to submit to the process of true healing. Submit to the process. USE that physical symptom to show you where you are trapped, so you can be free and go forward with the release process of change.

Here’s what it looked like for me… A few weeks ago, a fibroid, which is a usually benign mass in my uterus started expanding and hurting. It has never hurt before and has caused me early menopause. I’ve just turned 50 years old. I’ll skip some of the other interesting details about this timing, but this mass has been healed miraculously twice before, instantly. The first time, I lost four pounds after an encounter with the Holy Spirit. So, why is it back and why now? Instead of worrying about getting it healed right away or running to the doctor to tell him it was getting worse, I sought the Lord. I went into my prayer closet and asked the Holy Spirit to go to that spot. I felt it swell. This pulled me deeper into focus and I asked, what is stuffed down there? So many things came to mind that I had to deal with including trust issues, not walking in my identity and frustration from wrongs that had not been righted. Sometimes our flesh is harboring a mess! I have been asking the Lord to continually lead me.

Not long before this started, the Lord has spoken through a Cindy Trim video. She said, ” “A lot of you women are plagued with fibroids. Fibroids are an attack on your feminine ego?”  That got my attention. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but I became attentive to the clue. Where have I been attacked in my femininity or view of myself and what could limiting my productivity. A woman’s uterus is a place of productivity, of creativity! Mine was filed with an unproductive, useless mass. I can’t say this didn’t mimic my self-image, because it did. I’ve been waiting to do more, knowing there was more I was called to do, but felt like I was too small to accomplish it. I couldn’t even imagine it!

We all have STUFF we have ignored and burying it can lead to physical issues. Look up the spiritual root of disease and you may find help as to the soul issues that manifest in physical symptoms. Fear manifests in various physical symptoms. Medical science supports these things. Submit to God. Fully surrender to the heart cleaning process. Let him bring up the stuff you have not wanted to look at. You may need a partner or your spouse to pray over you as you let it go, but the Lord has been gracious as I followed his every whisper of direction. In the process of letting go, revelation started to pour into me and I started to see what I could not before – details of the plans he had for me. Wow! It’s amazing what God can do with a person fully surrendered, and I wasn’t even there yet.

There is a lot more to this than what I can share, but returning to the original thought, Jesus is coming back for a pure and spotless bride. Many of us have buried heart issues that are stealing our joy, limiting room for Holy Spirit to dwell in us and making us incapable of carrying His glory in fuller measure. It’s time to submit to the process! Submit to the process! Submit to the process! That means that you can take a short rest to recover from the last revelation, but you have to get back on the train when he gives you another lead to follow. The time is short and it has to be completed now.

Matthew 21:43-44 “Therefore I tell you that the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people who will produce its fruit. Anyone who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; anyone on whom it falls will be crushed.” Falling on it is our choice. Letting is fall ON us will be harder to escape. Which do you chose?  Remember, Mary said “Yes” to the God and it changed the world. In fact THREE Mary’s said yes to Jesus and they were the first to see him after the resurrection.

I prayed again and again, “I’m falling on the rock, break me to pieces and heal me. Break me to pieces and put me back together in your image.” Why? Because I felt the literal weight of the crushing that would come for those who didn’t submit to the is process.

God is refining his Bride in this hour. He needs truth bearers full of discernment because there is more deception than we realize all around us, even in the church. As the prophetic movement grows, there will be the true and the false. (Read Jude 3)

Revelation 3:14-20 “These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. 15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17 You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.

19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. 20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”

What does lukewarm mean? It means some hot, some cold. Some Jesus – some world. That is unclean. Jesus took away the need for sacrifice; he gives us physical healing and righteousness through his blood, but he didn’t take away the need to repent. Our attitudes need to come to the cross and our lives nailed there.  Our God is fearsome and loving, but what we forget is that He is holy -Holy –Holy. He is to be feared for his power and loved for his Fatherly heart, but we cannot continue to neglect his words and call it grace. GRACE is the power to overcome. Anything less is corrupted grace and is powerless to transform. The Lord is coming for a spotless bride who is ready and WAITING for him. That means dressed in righteousness, ready and waiting.


Are you ready for your transformation? Just ask. “Lord, I give you permission to uncover every unholy way that is in me so that I can carry your glory and move into my destiny. I don’t want to miss what you are doing and I don’t want to miss salvation. I choose to surrender. I surrender to you Jesus. Take my life and give me yours in return. I trust you. Amen.” 

Step into Grace Today

In the last 24 hours there has been such an increase of activity in the spirit. The  challenges some had yesterday attempted to discourage, but today there is a great grace for going forward, for moving out of the old and into the new. Grace, to me, feels like an opening to something new became wider so more could cross into good things. Run through it!

Go forward with Christ. Go to your prayer room or find a place to be hidden with him. Just step into His presence. He is waiting and ready. Don’t wait for someone to lead you. GO. Hide with him and he will meet you.

Then, submit –  Open the doors of your soul and let Him in. Invite him reach in, to uncover every stronghold that holds you back. Listen and follow his lead in every way. Let him capture your mind, emotions and your physical senses. Respond to even the slightest impulse of his Spirit and you will be touched.

AskShow me any stronghold – Now Lord.

Follow His lead in obedience. If you hear a name or see a face ask what you need to forgive them for and just do it. Don’t question. Then let him touch you and heal you.

Say “YES” to an invasion of your soul – God himself will search you and know you.